-Synopsis: A Mary Sue finds twue wuv with an abusive asshole vegetarian "vampire" who, contrary to everything written about vampires ever, does not burst into flames in the sunlight but sparkles like a cheap crystal windchime. Vampires who actually fucking eat humans get the scent of Mary Sue, try to eat her. Her boytoy and his family kill the vampire, and he and Mary Sue go to prom while the evil vampire's hot girlfriend plots revenge.
-The Problems: Nothing that hasn't already been said, but I'll repeat it: Mary Sue main character, other characters barely deserve the name, the rampant sexism, the Mormon influences, the lameass excuses for vampires, and the emotionally abusive nature of the relationship.
With all that in mind, here's my take on the idea that makes Bella and Edward's relationship even more abusive and messed up!
-Screenplay Concept Written By a Dummy:
Bella Swan was a mere eight years old when vampires broke into her home in Arizona and mercilessly slaughtered and devoured her mother and father. She was spared only because the leader of the little "family", one Edward Cullen, sneered she wouldn't even make a decent meal, and left her alone with a blood and gore-filled house.
Twelve years later, and Bella Swann is a wandering vampire slayer, her insatiable thirst for revenge having pushed her into learning and training herself into the ultimate undead killer. She is on her way to Forks, Washington, to destroy another conclave of vampires. Guiding her to his family is Edward Cullen, whom Bella captured two years ago and has kept chained up in the back of her RV. Bella has tortured information out of Edward regarding his family and vampires in general, and due to her rage and grief over her trauma she has done other terrible things to him. She has learned that due to "something" about her, vampires cannot read her mind, and she has used this to her advantage in battling them.
Bella locates Alice Cullen, Edward's "sister", and attempts to kill her. Alice however manages to use her own powers to switch whatever keeps Bella's mind from being read by vampires, into full-out empathy. Stunned, Bella lets Alice escape and wanders back to her RV. It is here she and Edward suffer a mind link-Edward feeling Bella's anger, grief and pain and Bella in turn feeling all the pain and suffering she's put him through, as well as his intense guilt about the lives he's taken.
Needless to say the two are horribly traumatized by this sudden understanding. Bella feels physically ill, experiencing everything she's done to Edward and his own guilt, and Edward feels her guilt over what she's become. Bella manages to pull herself together enough to find a hiding place in Forks, where the two have to stay together due to the mind link-Too far away and they feel in pain.
It is through this link that an actual relationship begins, Edward and Bella talking about their pasts and their grief. Edward hates himself nearly as much as Bella hates him, and they truly understand the things that drive them. This begins to set the stage for a healthy relationship between the two as they both try to learn to forgive themselves and eachother.
Unfortunately, another vampire family, led by James, locates Bella and Edward. James wants revenge for Bella's wholesale destruction of all but three of his clan, and has always been a rival to the Cullen family. It doesn't help that Edward was part of his clan for a time before he was captured by Bella and used to allow Bella to kill off his family. James blames them both and wants them both dead.
Bella and Edward have to work together to fight off the vampires; Bella's skill with firearms, explosives and melee weapons combined with Edward's superhuman strength, speed, and agility. Unfortunately, Bella is bitten by James just before she and Edward manage to kill him, and the Cullens arrive. Edward, not wishing his life on anyone else, sucks the transformative venom out of Bella, who subsequently passes out.
She wakes up in a hospital under Dr. Cullen's care. Dr. Cullen explains that he and his family live off animal and donated blood, not wishing to take human lives. Edward was part of their family before he was taken in by James' family, who do prey upon humans, and gave into his predatory instincts. Bella sees that Edward has stayed with her this whole time. Granted, due to the mental link, but she can feel that he does have some true, genuine concern for her.
Dr. Cullen takes Bella into his home, using some of his contacts to legally adopt her. She asks why he's doing this for someone who hates vampires so much. Dr. Cullen wryly replies that they aren't too fond of humans either-But she has brought Edward home, and has brought him back from his human hunting ways. And that all it takes to begin on the road to redemption is to start with stopping the hate.
Bella doesn't know if she can stop hating vampires. She doesn't know if she can truly ever forgive Edward, or if he will ever truly forgive her. But she does know that her hatred has brought her nothing but death, destruction, and guilt. So maybe... Just maybe, if she can go without hating Edward for a few days, maybe she can go without hating vampires... Permanently.
The movie ends with the lone survivor of James' family group, his mate Victoria, going to other vampires who have lost family members to Bella Swan, to help her with her revenge...
TO BE CONTINUED...
Meanwhile, in another universe...
LOS ANGELES: In a stunning reversal, Catherine Hardwicke was not chosen to direct the Twilight movie. Instead, total unknown Andrew J. Talon was given the multi-million dollar movie and potential franchise. Melissa Rosenberg has publicly stated of the director "He's a madman, a madman!" before running out of the Paramount Studios lot screaming in horror. Stephanie Meyers, in response to the "liberal" take with her work, has publicly damned Andrew J. Talon to the darkest pits of Hell and told him "My Prophet will take a lot of pleasure in damning you you bastard!" Fan outcry over the movie was even worse, with the bulk of the four million Twilight fans swearing eternal vengeance upon Talon despite the movie's commercial and critical success.
Listening to: Star Trek OST
Reading: Genesis Protocol
Playing: Touhou Project